Five proven self-compassion exercises for mental fitness and stress relief

(approx read four minutes)

Discover the science behind self-compassion and learn five simple exercises to reduce stress, increase emotional resilience, and practice kindness towards yourself.          

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In our experience, it doesn’t take a lot to go wrong to turn in on ourselves and start berating.

Making the smallest mistake at work, doing something to upset your partner, not feeling like you’ve been a good parent that day. It’s almost too easy to find a reason. 

If you can relate to that in any way, it’s time we talked about showing yourself a bit of self-compassion.

What is self-compassion?

Dr Kristin Neff is the pioneer in the field of self-compassion research. What she doesn’t know about self-compassion isn’t worth knowing. 

Here’s how she defines it.

Self-compassion is all about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend, family member or a struggling stranger. 

Self-compassion vs. self-esteem: What’s the difference?

But don’t get confused between self-compassion and self-esteem. Self esteem tends to involve evaluating yourself against others. Self-compassion is just about you.

The three components of self-compassion

1. Self-kindness: It’s about the ability to be kind and understanding, especially in moments of distress or self-judgement. Instead of harsh criticism or self-critique, create a nurturing inner dialogue. 

2. Common humanity: Everyone experiences setbacks, but sometimes it can feel like you’re suffering alone. Recognising that everyone is suffering from time to time can help to reduce a sense of isolation.

3. Mindfulness: This component is about maintaining a balanced awareness of your thoughts and emotions, trying not to get too high or too low. Practising mindfulness can help you to observe your thoughts rather than being consumed by them.

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Self-compassion exercises (recommended by Niff)

1. Self-compassion break: In moments of self-doubt or difficulty, take a brief pause and acknowledge your suffering, pain, challenge, difficulty, whatever. Remind yourself that suffering is a part of life.

2. Self-compassion letter: Write a letter to yourself about your imperfection with acceptance and compassion.

3. Self-compassion meditation: Engage in regular meditation practices focused on cultivating compassion towards yourself. Repeat phrases such as ‘May I be happy, may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I live with ease’. Bit wanky? Just give it a try.

4. Self-compassion journaling: Keep a journal where you record moments of self-compassion, instances of self-criticism, and reflections on your inner dialogue. This practice can help you identify patterns of self-judgement and develop greater self-awareness.

5. Self-compassion exercises: Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy, whether it's spending time in nature, practising a hobby, or connecting with loved ones.

(read our story on the Physiological Sigh, a simple breathing technique to help reduce anxiety)

Benefits of self-compassion: Scientific benefits of self-compassion for reducing anxiety and stress

Numerous peer-reviewed studies have demonstrated that practising self-compassion is associated with: 

• Reduced levels of anxiety, depression and stress

• Enhanced emotional resilience, self-esteem and greater life satisfaction

• Greater wisdom, motivation and emotional intelligence 

• Greater perspective on negative life events

• Greater relationship satisfaction.

A shitload of positives here then. 

As an aside, apparently people who lack self-compassion are more likely to have critical mothers. Weird. 

A psychotherapist’s view: ‘showing yourself compassion isn’t a sign of being weak or soft’

“There is a strong link between lack of self-compassion and how likely people are to take care of themselves,” said psychotherapist Kate Hogan. “People who lack self-compassion seemingly don’t recognise when they need something or are potentially on the brink of burnout. Once people reach burnout they then won’t take the downtime to be able to decompress and recover. It can become cyclical. I often recommend Neff’s toolkit to clients on how to build self-compassion. I’d highly recommend people start there.

“Also, to be clear, showing yourself compassion isn’t a sign of being weak or soft. Going into battle on anything knowing you’ve got yourself on your side will only make you more resilient and stronger.”