Six myths about going to therapy, from a therapist

(approx 3 minute read) 

Men’s Mental Fitness believes in the importance of therapy. Here are a few common misconceptions about going to see a therapist.

From our personal experience, therapy has been a hugely beneficial thing to do. But for men, there’s perhaps still a stigma attached to going - and what it all entails.

We spoke to psychotherapist Kate Hogan to dispel a few of the common myths about going to therapy.

1. You have to be ‘screwed up’ (our words, not Hogan’s) to go to therapy 

“You don’t have to have hit rock bottom or be in a bad place to go and see a therapist,” says Hogan. “You can go to a therapist to help with your mental health maintenance. I’m aware the whole premise of this website is about being more proactive about what goes on inside your mind, about self-improvement, about growing as a person. And the gym analogy - you’d never just say you’d finished going to the gym forever, or go to the gym if your body was completely broken. It wouldn’t make sense. Therapy can be viewed in the same way - a way to maintain.”

2. It’s all about delving into your childhood

“Of course there are elements of that, it’s useful to analyse our past to try and gain self-awareness or work out why we might react or act in certain ways. But it’s not just about the past. It’s § about dealing with what’s happening in the present,” says Hogan. “It’s about being proactive, about trying to understand that and then coming up with strategies to mediate or manage the situation.”

3. You’ll just slag off your parents

“Generally, although sadly not in every instance, parents are trying to do their absolute best for their children. But they’ve got baggage too and that can impact a child,” admits Hogan. “But therapy is not about blame. Often it’s about acceptance or putting an incident or your childhood in its rightful place. Then it’s about taking control and attempting to have agency over your future.”

4. You’ll spend most of your time laying on a sofa pouring your heart out

“There are so many different types of therapists offering different types of therapy. It’s about finding the right therapist and the right type of therapy. You might not click with the first, keep searching if you don’t. You don’t have to land on the first one you see,” urges Hogan.

5. Not that many people go to therapy

Data from the House of Commons website reported that in 2022/23, 1.76 million people in England were referred for talking therapy. 34% of those were men. This doesn’t take into account private therapy, which is harder to track. However, an article from 2020 by Counselling Directory, says it had helped 1.5 million to find therapy. Bear in mind that stat is pre-Covid. We’d wager it’s higher now. 

“The numbers don’t lie,” said Hogan. “Literally millions of people are having therapy.” 

As an aside, and the statistics differ slightly depending on the report you read, it’s estimated around 10 million in the UK have a gym membership. One report says around half of gym goers go multiple times a week but one in five people don’t go to the gym at all. If you start breaking down the numbers, therapy and regular gym goers aren’t millions and millions of people apart.

6. You’re weak and will be judged for going to therapy

“That’s not my experience at all,” explains Hogan. “Many of my clients talk positively about how it’s received when they tell friends they’re in therapy. There’s certainly no judgement or a thought of someone being weak. If anything, what you can often find is someone who is open about going to therapy, it encourages others around them to explore the option too.”